xvii: jack of hearts

an update.

 

giles and i have joined henry and eric on their travels. there's no specific destination in mind, just anywhere safe from the lonely hunters and their servants. we won't have a lot, but giles is prepared for anything, henry is a quick thinker, eric is a good fighter, and i'm... here too.

okay, that's a little unfair to myself. i'm... scrappy. and when i'm with giles, i can do anything.

it feels so natural. i'll tell a joke, and giles will just roll his eyes and remind me of how often i told that same joke back in high school, but there'll be a smile on his face that tells me he knows i said it because it reminds me of when we were younger.

it feels so right. and i haven't seen jack in such a long time.

i don't know if this will last forever. i mean, nothing does. but there's no point in looking forward to its end. it's what i have for now, and for now, everything seems to finally make sense.

yours truly,

kaden crowley

xvi: slavering wolves

giles took me to the warehouse where the timberwolves were keeping eric and henry. there were only two other timberwolves there, and i recognized both of them: melanie hector and rainer kavinsky. they were each sitting on chairs in opposite corners. there were two men, presumably henry and eric, tied up in chairs at the center of the room.

 

melanie stood when she saw the two of us. "giles," she said, "who might this be?"

"oh, just a friend of mine." he took out a knife and advanced forward.

her eyes narrowed. "well, rainer, it seems we've finally gotten the chance for a proper fight."

 

rainer stood up and threw a punch at giles. he sidestepped and stabbed the knife into rainer's shoulder. giles drew the knife out, and rainer stumbled back and pressed up against the wall.

 

"so," melanie said to me, a knife in her hand, "you are asher lyall."

"what gave you that impression?" i asked, circling her with a knife of my own.

"call it an educated guess."

 

she extended a leg and tried to sweep mine out from under me, but i dodged backwards and threw the knife at her. it landed in her leg. i'd been aiming for her chest, but the leg was fine too.

 

i heard laughter from behind and felt something like a punch hit me in the back. it was only when i felt blood trickle down my spine that i realized i'd been stabbed.

 

"i suppose you must find it less than agreeable to be on the other end of deception," melanie's voice said from behind me. she placed what must have been her boot on my back and shoved, sending me sprawling forward onto the floor.

 

and in an instant she was standing in front of me once again. i looked to see how giles was doing. he was bleeding from the nose and exchanging blows with rainer.

 

i tried to get up and help giles, but melanie placed her boot firmly on the back of my head.

 

"not this time, little fox," she said. "this is the traitor's fight, not yours."

 

i heard ropes snapping. melanie's boot lifted from my head, and as i looked up at her, i saw that she was running towards the center of the room. while melanie had been taunting me, giles had gotten rainer on the floor long enough to cut henry's ropes.

 

giles handed the knife to henry. as henry cut eric's ropes, giles turned to melanie and punched her square in the nose.

 

melanie wiped the blood from her face with the sleeve of her jacket and backed up next to rainer, who had stood up again.

 

henry and eric fought with melanie and rainer, but i wasn't paying a lot of attention. i was too busy watching giles run to my side and outstretch his hand, lifting me to my feet. i tried to run to melanie and try to stab her, but my back wound was bleeding out, and i was starting to get lightheaded.

 

"you got any bandages?" i asked giles as i sat down in one of the chairs in the middle of the room.

 

he knelt down in front of me and cut away several pieces of my shirt with his knife, removing enough to give him access to my wound and using another piece of fabric as a makeshift bandage to keep it from bleeding out once he'd cleaned it with some water he'd had in a canteen specifically for this purpose (boy scout).

 

i didn't see much of what happened to melanie and rainer after that. i was too busy focusing on not falling unconscious. i caught snatches, though- rainer punching henry, eric punching rainer, melanie starting to walk towards giles and me with a knife in her hand before eric threw her to the ground.

 

from what i did see, henry and eric fought well. eric, as noted, restrained melanie, and that left henry to dodge rainer's punches and keep his attention on himself while giles treated me. after that, we rejoined the fray.

 

as you can probably tell from the fact that i'm still alive, we won in the end. we didn't kill rainer or melanie- henry was very insistent on that point- but we did tie them up the same way they'd tied up henry and eric. just as a little bit of poetry, i suppose, before the timberwolves inevitably find them and realize what happened.

 

i don't know what will happen now. all i know is that giles and i are finally together again, and for now, at least, we're okay.

xv: falling again

i couldn't sleep very well last night.

i tried. i tried to sleep. but it just didn't happen.

when light started to pour through the window of my apartment, i knew it was no use anymore. i got dressed and headed to north river park.

there was an oak tree there, huge and ancient. it had been old even when giles and i were younger, even when we'd first chosen it as our meeting place. i pass it every day on my way to the mountebank club. every time, it makes me think of giles. every time, it makes my heart hurt.

it's huge, like i said, huge and old. it's gnarled and knotted and the branches go everywhere but it's so beautiful and so strong.

giles told me when we were younger that it's a bur oak, that they can be from 200 to 400 years old. he said with an arm around my shoulder and a sparkle in his eye that he hoped they didn't cut it down to see for sure.

i patted that old oak tree on its knot before sitting down on the ground, taking out the sandwich i'd brought for breakfast, and waiting for giles.

i was terrified, if i'm being honest.

i've been with the mountebanks so long that i think i've forgotten what it feels like for other people to want me around. it can be hard to break out of the notion that you're replaceable, a cog in the machine that can be taken out and swapped in for someone else without issue. it makes it hard to think of yourself as wanted. it makes it feel like anyone who says they care about you is lying to protect your feelings.

you can imagine the reaction my darker part had when i heard from someone i'd pined after for so long that he loved me too, someone i hadn't known for three years for as much as i'd thought about him since then.

he's lying. he's trying to trick you into becoming vulnerable just so he can tear you down. the timberwolves are setting a trap and he is the willing bait.

but as i ate my sandwich beneath that old bur oak, it occurred to me that even that would be better than what i had with the mountebanks.

as giles approached, all of it faded away.

he outstretched his hand to me, and i took it. he pulled me up and into a hug. and for the first time in years, i was happy.

xiv: an old friend

we weren't busy yesterday. i was the only mountebank there except for alan roach. he was assigned to keep watch over me while the rest of the mountebanks had a meeting with the timberwolves.

he wasn't very good at it.

giles came in again.

he looked around, saw how empty it was. he walked up to me.

"you ever hear of aleister crowley?"
i think he saw something at the corner of my mouth, a twitch that started as a smile but changed quickly to a frown.

(the masks worn by mountebanks are only half-masks. doesn't necessarily keep with the whole "everything is a mask" thing, but it's useful for people to be able to see at least part of your expression when they're trying to cut a deal with you.)

i turned away.
"kaden," he said.
 i nodded.
"kaden crowley, what the hell are you doing here?"
 i turned back to him. "i needed money. i needed friends."
"i'm your friend," he said. he turned to look at alan, who was in the corner on his laptop, occasionally glancing up at me. "not him."
"that's what they want me to think too." i sighed and lowered my head. "i know you mean well, but..." i shook my head. "no," i said at last, "you're right."
giles nodded. "i'm sorry to bring this up so soon, but i have a favor to ask you."
i looked up at him. "anything."
giles raised an eyebrow.
"never mind," i said, feeling... a little embarrassed. "what is it?"
"well, you know henry hallack and eric zane, of course."
i nodded.
"right. well, we timberwolves... we..." he took a deep breath in. "we kidnapped them. i need your help saving them from the other timberwolves. there aren't as many of the timberwolves as there usually are. most of them are at a meeting."
"right. i'm well aware of the effects of my little white lie on our relationship with the timberwolves. so where are they keeping henry and eric?"
"where else? abandoned warehouse." he rolled his eyes at the thought. "meet me at the old spot tomorrow morning so we can talk without prying eyes and ears. 7 o'clock, sharp."
 i nodded. "7 am. i'll be there."

giles started to leave, but before he walked out the door, he turned back to me.

"i saw what you wrote about me."
i could feel my face grow hot under my mask.
he glanced over at alan- he was busy- and then back at me. i love you too, he mouthed.

he waited just a second to see the look on what little he could make out of my face before he left.

i love that bastard.

xiii: risen

giles came to the mountebank club today. he asked me if i'd ever had dreams about the lonely hunters. if i'd ever dreamed of the archangel.

 

i think he might know who i am. who i was, i mean, before the mountebanks. before jack.

 

see, before i joined the mountebanks, before I knew anything about any of this, i had a dream about the thing dressed in flesh. it had a porcelain mask, wings of light, and a crown of flames.

 

it addressed me by name. it told me to embrace it.

 

is that why giles joined the timberwolves? did he think that dream was a prophecy when i told him about it all those years ago?

 

i don't know. i just hope he knows the timberwolves aren't his friends.

 

but am i?

xii: final face

what was in that final face

you hid from me as you walked away,

as you left me forever,

sadness or anger?

i'll never be your friend

ever again.

i'd better find something

new to pretend,

like it was me who went away,

like i could've chosen to stay.

(yes, i write poetry.

what? it's good for venting.

i suppose my first post included a poem in it, so this shouldn't come as a surprise, really. i just feel a bit self-conscious about this one.

especially since it's, you know. based on personal experiences.)

xi: beholding

you ever feel like you're being watched?

 

me neither.